I read a post today about adopting or fostering children. It was basically talking about the fact that the far Christian right thinks that Gays should not and can not parent. There was actually a person that said "There are studies that show that same gender households raise children with more problems and a greater likelihood of doing drugs and going to jail." She did state that she was talking about Mother - Daughter or Grandmother - Granddaughter headed households. However, she made it sound as if Gay couples raised children that had these issues. What a bitch and what an idiot. Those kind of households have all kinds of other issues, like the reason that they are headed by these people as opposed to Parent-Parent headed homes.

I am Gay. I have raised a child. My own daughter. Now John and I are raising a two-year old little boy together. Let me tell you about him. When he came to us in May he was 23 months old. He was completely non-verbal. He was in diapers. He had no social skills and could not use a spoon or fork, just his fingers. He was tiny for his age and behind on his immunizations. He came from a home that was an average heterosexual, two parent home. They were not bad parents, just young people that were working too hard and too much and didn't have clue one about raising a child. He is not with us permanently. It may be long term, but he will be reunited with his parents. They are learning what they need to know and we are caring for him until the time comes that they are capable and willing to care for him on their own.

In the five months that he has been with us he has gained a vocabulary of over two hundred words. He is 90% potty trained (he still has issues at night and sometimes at naptime, but we're working on it). He uses both a spoon and a fork. I noticed that I might have been too firm on the utensil thing when I saw him breaking up potato chips and putting them on the spoon to convey them to his mouth. When he learns something, he learns it! He is all caught up on his shots. He can identify every animal on the ranch by name. He knows all his colors. He has a clear concept of danger in that fire can burn him or the big dogs can bite him but not to the point that he is timid. He recognizes everyone and usually by name or designation. Grandma, Grandpa, mail lady, cowboy Rich, etc.

He learned really quick that we were Uncle Mike and Uncle John (he is my great-nephew and that is how he came to be with us.) Due to his intelligence and quickly putting things together, I am still Uncle Mike, but John is now Uncle Babe. I always call John, Babe. The little guy and I wake him up at four each afternoon so he can get ready for work. One day I said "Do you want a glass of Tea, Babe?" John failed to answer. so our little guy said "You wan some Tea babe?" We had a big laugh at that one. The next day I went into the bedroom and said "You need to get up Babe". John didn't get up. I went in there again and said "You need to get up Babe, you have to get ready for work". When he didn't appear right away, the little one said, "Babe get up, Babe get up!" John got up laughing and gave him the biggest hug and asked him who was he calling Babe and he said "YOU BABE" and he's been Babe or Uncle Babe ever since.

This last week at my sisters wedding and at Moms funeral he was around a multitude of people, including several of his cousins that were from 18 months to 5 years old. He got along well with all of them and happily shared toys and food. He was the perfect angel which is more than I can say for my cousins 3 year old twins! They were AWFUL! (Incidently, these twins are living in a two parent, heterosexual home and are completely non-verbal and still in diapers).

I also want to note, that although he has received a swat or two on the bottom with an open hand, almost all of his discipline has been in the form of timeouts that range from 2 minutes to 7 minutes depending upon the severity of the offense and it seems to be working wonderfully!

Here he comes now, home from his visitation with his maternal grandparents, right on time. I need to hurry up and finish so I can get him in bed. We are leaving for home and the security of our mountain tomorrow morning. \

Ok, what is your opinion on two Gay men raising a child? And, any tips on how to break a child from a pacifier?? I tried throwing them all away in front of him. He cried for six hours until he passed out.I went out and bought two more the next morning. I haven't had the hear to try it again.

One last thought. The thing that I love the most that he does now? He laughs, and laughs and there is no more joyful sound in all the world!!

Ok, I know I'm a day late, but isn't that the story of my life?? You must remember that I'm quite it bit older than most of you (but, not all of you) and things were a little different in my day. 

Cut to 1979 -  I am 18 years old. I'm an actor that is now getting too old to play a kid and looks too young for adult roles. I attend a regular High School and I actually graduate. It's summertime and I am attempting to fit in with a crowd that would not accept me if they knew my terrible secret. My horrible, sinful, second life. I am Gay (gasp)! In the Theater community it was just another part of most of our lives. No one cared in the Theater because you were either Gay or all your friends were. At home in my little town things were very different. 16 year old guys drove around in flatbed trucks with gun racks in the back window complete with a shotgun if not a rifle as well. Fag bashing was a regular Saturday night activity. I'm not saying they bashed Gay people, I'm saying they bashed ANYONE who might possibly be Gay. I started running around with a wild group of kids that liked to party and go to rock concerts. We went to concerts all over the place. One day 7 of us decided to get our ears pierced. It was not a Gay thing. If you are the right age you will remember that lots of guys were getting their ears pierced at that time. No one even gives a second thought about it these days. Anyway when I got home on Sunday night my sister noticed the ear ring and said "You'll never keep your sick secret now. Dad is going to kill you!" I thought what? This is not a gay thing. No one is going to think that. I act straight, the friends who got their ears pierced with me are all straight, no one will know because of this. At the breakfast table in the morning my stepmother noticed it. "Nice earing Michael, you can borrow one of my diamonds if you like when you ear heels". Dad looked hard at her and said "He will not be wearing your diamonds or any of your other jewelry". I picked my sister up from school that afternoon and she told me that Dad had grilled her as he drove her to school telling her if he found out I was one of those queers I needed to find another place to live. I told her "Relax, this doesn't mean I'm Gay, I just wanted to pierce my ear, Nick and Done got theirs pierced too!" "Michael, Nick and Done aren't Gay, you are. Dad is gonna kick your ass."  After dinner that night my father asked me to come out to the garage to have a talk with him. In my house going to the garage to have a talk with Dad was akin to Grandpa taking you out behind the wood shed. I knew what to expect but I thought I could handle it. he said, " you one of them queers?" I told him "no, I wasn't." He said "take that God damn earing out of your ear right now." "No Dad, I paid a lot of money for this earring and to have it done. I'm not taking it out, ever." SMACK - he punched me right in the face. He said "I said take it out and I mean right now!" "No." SMACK, SMACK - "you gonna take it out?" "No, cause it doesn't mean I'm Gay!" (OK, I'm a little stubborn and really stupid) SMACK, SMACK, SMACK - "TAKE IT OUT NOW YOU LITTLE FAGGOT" "no" He beat me until my stepmother and my brother pulled him off of me. I left the house and that town for 4 years. No one was gonna learn my secret, it was too dangerous.

In my early 20's I started working onstage again on a regular basis. I was totally self supporting and NEVER asked my Father for a penny. Eventually I started seeing him again and going to family events. He became a lot mellower over time and he finally sought treatment for his anger management issues. I still didn't think he needed to know anything about my life. When I told my stepmother I told her that I wanted to share all of my life with her and that I wanted us to be totally in each others lives. She wanted me to tell my Father but I wouldn't. I begged her not to tell him. She assured me that she wouldn't.

I went on to have my beautiful daughter and a really good life. I had some good solid relationships but nothing that ended up being permanent.......until John. When i was 36 years old, I met John. He was and is my all and my everything and I had to share him with everyone. I decided to tell my Dad. All my sisters already knew as did my Mom and my Othermom. I thought I would tell my brothers first. They all suspected, (ok, they knew, but I hadn't told them). I was a little worried because all of my brothers were Varsity Jocks, avid hunters and Army veterans. My oldest brother took it the hardest because he was deeply and devoutly religious. I was afraid he would no longer speak to me. He said "I was always afraid that this day would come and that I would disown you because you will be going to hell. I can't do that, I love you and you will always be my brother but I must tell you I do not approve of your choice." I didn't even try to tell him it was not a choice because he had just told me he loved me. I was so happy and it felt so good. The rest of my brothers said things like "No shit, I always knew", "Did you really think I didn't know?", and my younger brother, "Um, what difference does this make? Can we eat now?" We went and had a wonderful dinner, my life was not the topic of conversation because it didn't even matter. I had been scared for so many years for no reason at all.

I was ready to tell the old man. I didn't care if he yelled or cussed or whatever, I wasn't gonna get close enough to let him hit me. I had introduced John to all of my family and I was hoping we could have Christmas together. I needed to talk to Dad as it was already early December. I called him and asked if I could take him and Mom to dinner. He said, "I thought you might be calling, why don't you come over here and I'll have Mom fix tacos." Uh-oh, his favorite meal, did he know what I wanted to tell him? The next day I put on a pink shirt and my tightest pants. I figured if I was gonna get called a fag, fairy, queer or whatever, I was gonna look the part. By this time I had like 5 piercings and yes, some of them were totally cause I was Gay. I walked up his driveway slower than I had ever walked before. I wanted to eat dinner first and we just talked about the upcoming holidays and how well the niners were doing and stupid shit like that. After dinner we went into his den and sat down, Mom sat on the arm of my chair with her arm around me. I said "Dad I'm Gay I met a guy named John I love him and I think we will end up living together I know you are not going to be happy but this is who I am ok I just wanted to tell you and I will leave now bye Mom." 0.2 seconds total time elapsed. He said, " all 4 of your sisters have taken it upon themselves tell me, one at a time over the last 3 years. I don't like it, but I do love you and that won't change". What the fuck?? Who was this strange man sitting in my Father's chair?? I decided to push my luck, Why not? It was going great. "Dad I would like to invite John over for Christmas dinner. What do you think?" "No. I want you to be happy, but you are not bringing this into my house. I don't need to meet him, I don't want to see him. You just keep that to yourself." I wasn't happy, but it had been so much better than I had expected that I dropped it, for the moment.

Christmas eve came and we were sitting around the table enjoying dinner and good conversation. After dinner I went and grabbed my coat and my bag and told everyone good night.Dad said "Hey, wait a minute, aren't you going to Mass with us?" No, I'm going to a Christmas eve service at our church with John." What he can't come so you can't?" "No, If John can't go, I WON"T go, there's a difference." "Will we see you in the morning?" "No, I will be spending Christmas with John." I then turned and left. I kept my cell phone on all during church, I just knew Mom and the girls would get him to change his mind. It didn't happen. I was a little disappointed but I had a wonderful Christmas with John and his family.Jump ahead to Father's day 1999. My sister Kelly called and asked John and I to come over for a BBQ on Father's day. I asked her if Dad was coming. She said she had invited him and he would be there. I told her I wouldn't come because I didn't want to ruin anyones Father's day. She told me it was her house and I was a Father too and that if Dad didn't like it, he could leave. I told her we'd be there. My Aunt called me later that day and said "I heard you and John are going to Kellys BBQ is that true?" I told her that we were and she told me she was going to be there right at 3:00 and to wait outside for her because she wanted to walk in with me. I asked why and she said "Are you kidding? I Have to see the look on my brothers face when you guys walk in together!" I said "Auntie, You are evil!" She said "That's why I'm your favorite Aunt!" On Father's day Auntie was waiting for outside for us. We all approached the back gate and walked through. Kelly yelled Hi! and we went up to the patio. John was wearing a Giants T-shirt and Dad asked him if he was a Giants fan. John is, majorly. Then Dad asked him if he was a 49er fan and when John said "Of course" they started talking sports and that's what they did for the next 5 hours. Dad really had no reaction, it was a great day but poor Auntie was so disappointed! Did I fail to mention that Auntie is a lesbian that came out in the 1960's?? After that day John and I were never an issue and he became totally and fully a family member. He and Dad get along great and of course Mom loves him like another son.

Life is really good for me now as an out and proud Gay man. No one should have to live a life in the closet. I just wish I could have been publicly out always. I missed a part of life with my family that I can never get back. My wonderful Othermom died last Thursday and I'm worried that the old man will not last very long without her. John can not come down for the funeral but he and Dad have spoken on the phone everyday since it happened. John told me it was ok to tell Dad that he would always be welcome in our home. Man, have we come a long way!

So I finally told my story, won't you share yours??

Ok, as some of you know I went off my meds (or most of them anyway.) I'm doing pretty good. I'm using a lot of herbs and trying to eat right and exercise and stuff like that. I'm not doing Christian Science at all. I tried. I worked with a practitioner but I wouldn't quit the seizure meds, they're working and I don't want to have seizures. I was told that I didn't need the meds and I said, "I don't need you!". Some days are hard. Herbs don't work well when my mood is at an extreme, but I'm coping and I will be better.

I'm currently in the San Francisco area, my sister is getting married on Saturday so I left my beloved mountains to be here for here. The wedding is Saturday and I will be back home by dinner on Sunday!

I miss you all and I have been trying to read and comment a couple of times a week. I will write more later.